Graduation Speech -- Graduation Speech, Commencement Address

For some of you graduates, this will be the last ceremony you might ever sit through. nearly of us, though, and I regret that I am in this group, will sit through many more ceremonies -- ceremonies longer and more tedious that this or anything else you drive out imagine. If you think this is bad, try a college graduation. Think, that is, attend a wedding. And, if just for a moment you think that that is bad, just be thankful you have never accompanied or will attend a Bar Mitzvah.The only ceremony I think anybody would truly enjoy attending is a funeral. But, only if you ar lucky enough, or unlucky enough, to be the guest of honor, because, really, that will be the only time you will be able to be honored at a ceremony and not have to illuminate chit chat with a bunch of strangers afterwards. I hate chit chat. Mindless talk, with really no subject to talk more or less. People love to chit chat after ceremonies, especially after graduations. Be prepared fellow students. Be prepa red. Look or so at the people in the stands. They are eyeing you, picking you out. They are going to find you, and they are going to chit chat. I think it is these costumes we are wearing. Something about us all dressing a ilk that makes people tend to think were all the same person. They look at whiz of us in capital and gown, and figure they might as well talk to us like were all the same relative they came to see. Note to guests Just because you are Uncle Lenny, does not make you my Uncle Lenny. My Uncle Lenny could not attend tonight. He is the guest of honor at a funeral.Well now I am a minute or so into my speech and all I have done is rant and I have said anything of importance, so let me do that, now. Usually people like to choose a quote to use in speeches like the... ... from there my sultry suburbanite.I know what some of you are thinking slump now, though. You right there, you are saying, Hey guy, while Im over here thinking about how purty I am and how not-so-purty my neighbor is, my neighbor is thinking the same thing about me. It dont work. Your scheme is unfeasible. Well, let me tell you this right now, and it is just between me and you. You are the real good-looking one. Let that beastly person next to you think whatever they want, both(prenominal) me and you know who is hot, and who is not.You will all find this helpful in your lives. Just remember that cardinal rule. When two people are next to each other, one of them has to be better looking than the other, and it might as well be you. Unless, of course youre sitting next to me you infectious flap-mouthed scut, you.Thank you all, for your sweetly faked attention.